sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
