I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
