He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
