I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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