My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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