went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
its not stalking. its research.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
