just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
