Your mouth is God's brothel.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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