btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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