I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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