I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
