$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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