I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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