he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
