Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
