He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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