If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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