Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
