no, he came in my armpit
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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