It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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