Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
