my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
