My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
