I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
