oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
