Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
