when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
