Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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