Just took my morning after pill in the library
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
