So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
