i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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