yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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