wakey wakey hands off snakey
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Randomize
