Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I need a beard to bite.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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