I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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