No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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