You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Rumble strips road head = magical
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
