so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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