Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
