Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
