And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
