Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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