We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Every concussion has its silver lining
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
