I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
