I'm so fucking centered right now
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
