They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
