I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
