Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
