I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
