but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
