so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
