I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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