Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
